The First Year
You’re married, congratulations!! You have had the wedding, reception, and honeymoon and survived it all. The first year of marriage is a beautiful time, but it doesn't mean it won’t come with some difficulties. Whether you lived together or not before getting married, you have to learn to live together as husband and wife. This is very different from living with your boyfriend or girlfriend. The commitment is different and so are the expectations.
Why is the first year so difficult? That’s simple. Because now you have to ‘Be Married.’ You have to figure out how to be a husband and a wife. Even if you’ve been married before, you have never been married to the person you are married to now. Hopefully, you had good and effective premarital counseling. If you did remember the lessons learned and if you didn’t, allow me to share some things.
Wake up choosing to love and go to bed choosing to forgive. Why is this important? Because both love and forgiveness is a choice. You choose to love your spouse every day whether they are being lovable or not and they choose to love you whether you’re being lovable or not. Choose to forgive even when your spouse doesn’t apologize or if they don’t know they did something to hurt or offend you. Choose to forgive because you never know when it’s your spouse’s or your last day on earth. If something happens and you don't forgive your spouse, you will have to not only heal from the grief but also heal from the guilt of unforgiveness.
Remember that although love is great, it is not enough. Marriage is work. Hard work. Exciting work. Frustrating work. Work that is worth it. Communicate with each other. Have hard conversations even when you don’t want to. Communicate with respect. When you argue, don't go for the jugular. You will know your spouse’s buttons and they will know yours. Once you say certain things you won’t be able to take them back. No amount of apologies will make hurtful words and actions disappear.
Lastly, NEVER COMPARE YOUR RELATIONSHIP with anyone else’s. Many couples in the first year, look at their friend’s or even family member marriages and want to compare. Don’t. Your marriage is yours. How you handle good and bad things will be unique to your relationship, what works for you will not work for other couples, and vice versa. Your love is unique and so is your marriage. Embrace it. Never stop doing the things that made your spouse fall in love with you. Date each other. Surprise each other. Love each other.